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YES I DO HAVE FRIENDS.

Two of them to be exact.

How can I prove this?

I can’t, but I did set them up websites, so it’s clear that they probably exist.

I can tell you at least that they definitely aren’t mannequins stolen from Millets wearing wigs and soiled charity shop clothing*.

First up, because the alphabet insists, is Edd, Edwyn Butler**. He’s an old school friend, with a guitar and things.

HERE HERE IS HE:

He forgot to charge for his music and as such can't pay his lighting bill. Don't worry though, in real life he has a face and everything***.

You should definitely go to: www.EdwynButler.com, and have a listen. I particularly like “Birds On A Wire”, it even made it onto my playlist. That’s not even a lie. I wouldn’t have bothered to make him a website if I didn’t think it was worth listening to. That is a lie actually, I would have, but I would have charged him.

Next up is Hoggy.

HERE HE IS****:

Hoggy

This is Hoggy. Not a recent picture, but I like the hat. Reminds me of coal and accents.

His website is www.HoboMoments.com. It is a blog. Go and have a look. At the moment he hasn’t got alot on there, but I will be hounding him into posting regularly. I need things to hound. I’m a houndrel*V*.

In other news, I’m illish. Which is somewhat annoying. Did mean I’ve slept all day though, which is less annoying.

I’m sure I had more to say.
Something about.. pens? No? Hold on.

Nope, it’s gone.
Night Night.
Failure tonight.
Forgotten entirely what I was here to say.
Let’s just hope it wasn’t important.

Oh that was it, I fixed the ‘Share’ button. Why not test it? There’s a like button too! Both equally fun buttony items of amazing Facebook integration.

I wish you some of the best (I’m keeping most of it for myself) and the sweetest of dreams (All mine end up horrifying and mind warping anyway)

Goodnight x

*Don’t even bother trying to steal mannequins from Millets. They all have dodgy arms. Some idiot keeps dropping them onto the granite flooring everytime he picks one up. I do always glue them back together, but they always end up looking somewhat arthritic.

**That’s not always his name, but I mean that factually, and not pointing it out in a mean way. After all, people in glass houses shouldn’t walk around naked.

***On reflection, I notice the ‘and everything’ sounds weird. It’s not meant to. I mean he has a face and ears and such. You just can’t see him because he’s sitting in the dark.

****That’s actually what I meant to type last time but got very wrong. Also, you may notice I’m going for the record in uses of asterisks, or as Hoggy calls them ‘little stars’.
Along with the little stars we also have:
—– = Tiny steel girders.
^ ^ = Little Oriental hats.
( ( ( = Left looking Longbow spares.
> > = Two Toppled triangular cruet sets.
/ / / / = Four faulty vertical lines.
I got fairly alliterative doing that. Sorry.

*V*This is an experiment. Five asterisks looks silly. So I went with a Roman numeral spin. Mainly to see if it works. I’m at the cutting edge of literacy here. Sharper than Shakespeare. Forwarder than forewords. Pioneering in paragraphs. Revolutionising reading. Trail-blazing in terms. Writing like a tit.

Really I just liked the word ‘Houndrel’. Sounds like a Pokemon, or a mischievous Basset.

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