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Mumble/Mumble/*yawn*/Sorry…

It’s Sunday today, and I feel very guilty.

Not because of a dark criminal past, but this time because of my lack of blogging recently. This is my first post in just over 16 days, and it’s not even going to be a very good one. I’m too tired.

I haven’t really even got anything interesting to report. I work, pub and sleep.

Oh, and spend far too much on ridiculous items I really have no need for. I ordered another Safari Suit on Friday morning, and last week bought myself two new snooker cues and cases (one of which happens to be beautiful and particularly woodyish).

I will take pictures of beautiful items, and pointless Tim Timmington merchandise (which I’ve had for aggges and not got round to really mentioning) on Tuesday, and create a post that not only lets people see how wastefully I spend money, but also teaches us all an important life lesson that I recently learnt the hard way*.

*(by the ‘hard way’, I actually mean I heard Grandpa say it on ‘Hey! Arnold’ and intend to copy it.)

Before I leave though…

100
Questions Answered by Tim

I was bored enough to do this on facebook yesterday, and thought I’d re-post it on here because I spent far too long filling it in to just let it drown on Facebook.

1. PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT?
Got one on my forehead.
Got hit in the face with a tennis racket at school.
Pretty amazing really.
I was playing rounders at the time.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Six suits hanging on a picture rail, and a John Smiths branded clock.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
A banana.
(It doesn’t really. I’ve looked and looked for a banana phone but I just can’t find one. Depressing thought that. It just looks like a phone.)

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
All I’m going to say is, people tend not to let me near jukeboxes for fear of attracting OAPs.

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
It’s actually this – Salute to a Queen
I just like it.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A pint of ribena, a hug, and four after eight mints.

7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?
Sure.
Marry whoever you want.

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Time ago a bit long it were.

9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
Yep.
Next question.

10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A beautiful song that I found on the internet a while ago.
I love it.
YOUTUBE LINK! IN CAPITALS. FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I LIKE LINKS IN CAPITALS.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
No, I get scared of all the dangerous sharp pointy things I leave on the floor out of laziness and can’t see in the dark.

12. THE LAST PERSON/THING TO MAKE YOU CRY?
I can’t currently access that information.
It’s already been repressed. 😀

13. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE SAME SEX?
The most ugly kind, so that I look far better in comparison.

14. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
I think I’d best leave them alone. Southern Comfort works just as well, if not better.

15. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Lucozade.
Despite the fact it makes me feel like a claustrophobic heroine addict stuck in an elavator.

16. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?
I don’t even like pizza.
I don’t think it’s natural to have circles THAT big in food.
Plus, cheese is my kryptonite.
Which makes Lex Luthor a milkman probably.
Or a goat farmer.
Dairy farmer, that’s it.

17. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Not really hungry.
Eaten far too much already.
Though I wouldn’t say no to an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet at the Sakura.
Noodles are sublime.

18. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I don’t think I make people mad.
I think I’m a calming, eternal source of relaxation and good feeling.
I’m a bit like an executive desk toy I suppose.
Or a wall mounted musical novelty fish.

19. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I speak guinea pig.
My good friend Cinnamon consults with me at length most mornings.
We’re actually planning preparations for our entrance into politics in four years time.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE YOU?
Colin (assistant manager at work) bought me a Mars bar yesterday. It was good.

21. DO YOU LIKE/GOT SOMEONE?
I don’t got anyone no.
I don’t even got proper grammar it seems.

22. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
I don’t need to be.
My joints are perfectly tuned anyway.
Quality not quantity my dears.
(For some reason I answered that in the style of Michael Winner. Sorry.)

23. FAVORITE FRIENDS?
I don’t have favourites, that would be favouritism, and as everyone knows.. all ‘isms’ are bad.

24. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
One that drove itself, so I could still have a few ales.
A self driving McLaren.
A self driving McLaren with pez dispensers in the arm rests.

25. DO YOU BELIVE IN AFTER-LIFE?
Nope.
I’ve only just started to believe in during-life.

26. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
Few thoughts really:
Weddings are fun.
A wife would be handy.
Marry me now.

27. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I think I’ll have to answer a question with a question, I would say ‘Would you fall down a mine shaft knowing that the roof was about to cave in?”. You might, but then you probably didn’t choose to fall in the first place.
If you did, then you’re probably a few sandals sort of a shoe shop and anything that stops you reproducing is probably a good thing.

28. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Drunkenly, in an accidental text message meant for someone else.

29. Say a number from 1-100.
Twentingtons.
(Yes, that is from Numberwang. My favourite Numberwang.)

30. BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Blondes scare me.
Brunettes scare me too, but are easier to spot in crowds.

31. WHAT IS THE ONE PHONE NUMBER SHOWS UP ON YOUR PHONE THE MOST?
Two numbers I’d say, 0 and 7.

32. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Mmm, danone.
(As said on the advert. It’s like nails on a blackboard. Or knives on a particularly gratey plate.)

33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.K.?
I went to Menorca many times.
France and Belgium once too.
Not really got any thoughts on this matter.

34. YOUR WEAKNESS?
My only real weakness is a small thermal exhaust port, connected directly to my main reactor. This exhaust port, only two meters wide (about the size of a womp rat), is protected in a trench running 50 kilometers across my surface, towards the upper pole. Turbolaser turrets protect most of my surface with a deadly hail of fire, but the far end of the trench is thinly defended. A ship maneuvering into the trench at this point might have a chance of surviving the run and bombing the exhaust port.
(In case anyone reads this, this is in fact the weak spot of the Death Star from Star Wars. A film I’m not actually a big fan of. Still, another question down isn’t it?)

35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU GAVE?
Why only yesterday I gave Lewis (the work experience boy) a limited edition “TIM TIMMINGTON” art leaflet (one of only 25 in the world!). Generous much? Yes. Yes I am.

36. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
The one with the court case and the crazy levels of rhino based violence.

37. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes.
It did not go well.
I accidently phoned a friends number, and told their mother I loved her.

38. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THIS?
Something else.
I started this so long ago I forget.

39. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I’d get re-skinned to have a Lego compatible surface.

40. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My Safari Suit.
Interestingly, it’s also that which I get criticised the most on.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Break the law. In a BIG way.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Safari suits and antiques.
Please e-mail me for information on where to purchase these items.
Alternatively, don’t.

45. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
A fictitious dog.
Timmy from the Famous Five.
Proud.

46. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
I would like to swing on a star.
And carry moon beams home in a jar.
I’d be better off than I are,
or would I rather be a mule?
(I’m just about singing a song. From the sixties. Can’t help myself. Move on.)

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Chocolate fingers.

49. WHAT UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Purple boxers.
(I mean by that the underwear in question is a purple pair of boxer shorts, I don’t mean I stole underwear from a boxer who was unusually purple coloured.)

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It’s magnificent.
If I wrote laws, people would feel compelled to obey them purely out of respect for my handsomely formed lettering.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE?
Potato.
In chip or vodka form.
And only in chip or vodka form.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Nun at all.
(That’s not even a proper joke, I haven’t got time to work out how to fit it in properly. Though I really do want to.)

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
The single “Love Today” by Mika.
I like it.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I’d hate me. I’d probably still be polite to me, but secretly I’d think.. well I don’t dare say what I’d think. It’s probably somewhat similar to what you really think of me, only with weaker sounding swear words.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Probably.
Sorry.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Of course they do. Don’t pretend they don’t.
Unless you’re registered blind, no ones going to believe you.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
I just build it up inside, in preparation for a ‘Falling Down’ style day of madness and violence.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
The Lattice House.
I admit it, I spend far too much time there.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.
Though I can think of almost four people I trust.
Two of which are actually guinea pigs.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
I liked my Action Man.
Though Micro Machines were pretty awesome too.
I used to have fun playing with anything though.
I still long for time alone with enough cardboard boxes to make a fort.

61. ARE YOU AFRAID OF GROWING UP?
I have nothing to fear except those fears on my long list of fears which may or may not include growing up. Photobooths and creatures that scurry maliciously are on there though.

62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Far too much.
It may be the lowest form of wit, but then I’m one of the lowest forms full stop.

63. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
Nah.
I don’t need religion.
I have blind contentment and arrogant confidence.

64. DOES 11:11 MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
It’s the number one written four times with a colon in between.

66. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?
They’re alright, except mother is the loudest person in the universe.

67. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
I don’t know. I have a fantastic ability to block things like that out.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have to.. they’re walking boots.
I’m lazy enough that I’d kick off the entire foot though if it were possible.

69. LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
The blood of a calf.
Though only ritually.

70. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
Guinea pigs 😀
Cinnamon (full name is actually ‘Mr Cinnamon X’) and Whitey.
They’re actually my siblings pets, but I know they’d prefer me if they had the choice.
I made one of their hutches.
It has pretty brass butterfly hinges and vented fibreboard walls.

71. WHAT IS THE LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
A guinea pig,.
This is turning into a guinea pig questionnaire.

72. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?
I don’t know.
They’re all pretty brilliant.
They even make each other look better.

73. WHAT’S THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
I can’t remember it’s title actually.
It was about physics, and I have the urge to re-read it now.
I’m not sure I fully understood it, but when I finished it I actually had the feeling that I might be some sort of wizard.

I am reading “Teach yourself English grammar” in the pub when I’m there though.
Still getting to grips with ‘who’ and ‘whom’.
Fascinating.

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
I don’t really know.
More than one, less than a googolplex.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I don’t want anyone to.
It’s a waste of time and pixels.
I’m only doing it because I’m too tired to go to the pub and I’ve ran out of tv to watch.

76. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM VACATION?
A nuclear submarine holiday.
I’d be captain, and there’d be pirate hunting trips.

77. LAST THING YOU ATE/DRANK?
Sausages and chips.
I’m a very boring man.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I believe it was mother, I required her transportation help.

79. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE SAME SEX?
Whether they look like a ruffian I may have to duel or not.

80. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Nah.
I believe in lust at first sight that can lead to love though.
I do seem to be invisible however.

81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?
Modern life.
It’s a tad faulty.

82. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Ribena.
I’d die without it.
Probably literally.

83. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN?
It’s all pish tosh.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Formula One or Billiards in general.
I have a beautiful new snooker cue, in a beautiful new case.
I just need a plaque with my name on now to attach to it.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Brown.
It’s an adequate colour. I can’t complain.

86. EYE COLOUR?
Brown.
I like my eyes.
I’m sure I’ve been told they’re slightly nicer than not nice, so they must be alrightish.

87. TALL OR SHORT?
They’re sort of eye sized.

88. SIBLINGS?
I have a younger brother, and a sister, and an older brother.
They have varying ages.
I don’t think we need to go into anymore detail.

89. FAVOURITE MONTH?
This month.
Next months.
All of them.
I like months at the moment.
Though take away the N and you get MOTHS, and 12 moths in a year would drive me crazy.
Irregular flight patterns scare me.

90 DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I’m never trying it. It’s unnatural. It scares me that people aren’t burned as witches for eating it.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Hey! Arnold!
Rhonda had a “cool kid” party and invited Arnold but none of his friends, so Arnold held a party for everyone, and eventually helped Rhonda learn a valuable lesson.
I learn alot from Hey Arnold myself.

92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
They’re all pretty good.
Days are even better than months, as there’s more of them, and they’re nothing like moths.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
I’m too something.
Too mentally unstable?
Toucan?

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I like to have both in a year.
They help even it out.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
I don’t do one night stands.
Actually I barely do standing at all.

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS
No one will.
No one should.
This is a complete waste of time.
I’m wasting my life away.
If I died now, this would seem even more depressing than a suicide note.

98. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Cinnamon.
For reasons of guinea pig anatomic limitations.

99. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Not that I know of.
Though I’d hope SOMEONE is.
Statistically I think SOMEONE should be.
Knowing my luck it’s probably a seventy year old male bus driver called Logan.
Larry Logan.
Nice name though. Alliteration is beauty.

100. BIGGEST FEAR(S)
– Photobooths
– Small creatures that can outmaneuver me in a scurrying manner
– Loneliness
– Large fish
– Cheese
– I forgot what else.

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