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Im NOT hungover! I’m ACTUALLY ill for once!

My doctor, Hugh Laurie. Notice that however long you stare into his eyes, he never blinks. That's not because it's a picture, it's a symptom of his horrible drug addiction. He hasn't even changed costumes since Jeeves and Wooster, he's just wrapped his tie around his arm to help him find a vein.

My doctor, Hugh Laurie. Notice that however long you stare into his eyes, he never blinks. That's not because it's a picture, it's a symptom of his horrible drug addiction. He hasn't even changed costumes since Jeeves and Wooster, he's just wrapped his tie around his arm to help him find a vein.

I speak the truth.
I am actually ill for once.

It seems to be some sort of cold, flu, or possibly influenza. Statistically though, I reckon it must be lupus. It’s never lupus, so it’s about time it was lupus, therefore I definitely have lupus.

“I’ve got lupus
Got it on a school bus
I’ll make no-fus’
It maybe unjus’
But hey, that is lupus”

That’s my lupus song.
It’s to keep my spirits up, for when I get ill’er and ill’er whilst the best diagnostic team in the world treat me for lupus.

“I say *phew*
It was just flu
Who knew?
Probably Hugh.
The twat.”

That’s my song for when it turns out it was just the flu, and that all the bone marrow extraction and eye needles were entirely unnecessary. You will notice I blame Hugh Laurie, who would have spotted it from the start had he not have been off his face on opiates the entire time.

I’ve got work tomorrow, so I’d better be well by then.
If not, I’ll go anyway.
I’ll just only function at the level of the average mortal.

P.s. In case anyone is confused by this, I’ve been referring to the popular American medical drama ‘House M.D.’, which stars Hugh Laurie as a brilliant yet flawed doctor. Unfortunately, it lacks sirens and slow motion car accidents, so don’t bother watching it. Car accidents > Lupus.

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One Response to “Im NOT hungover! I’m ACTUALLY ill for once!”

  • Hannah Says:

    hi tim, i very much enjoyed reading this. i particularly enjoyed your lupus song and the caption, and the stuff in between.
    i apologise for my lack of proper punctuation and stuff but you’re not the queen so its all good. =D
    i mean this out of love.

    also, try to write for money. i think it’d work! lots of love
    Hannah x x

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