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I slept in a tent. Twice.

I haven’t had time for this in ages.
Or rather, I haven’t made time for this in ages.
Instead I’ve been working, spending, selling, sleeping, dreaming, drinking, and eating.

Today I have a very welcome day off, after a weekend that involved spending two nights sleeping in a primary school field whilst being harassed by drunken teenagers.

As it was my first time in a tent.. I thought I’d keep a log. To see how it compares to boating holidays (Which are much more peaceful. Drunken teenagers can’t handle water. Even drunken ducks struggle.)

My tent was a three man Eurohike ‘Avon’

I slept in that. Notice luminous guy lines, so I could see what It was I tripped over on 47 times.

I slept in that. Notice the luminous guy lines, pictured un-extended. When in use, these stood out from the backdrop and meant I could see them clearly each of the 47 times I still managed to trip over them.

Log of Eurohike tent ‘AVON’, pitched < 0.1km south of ‘West Winch Primary School’ main building.

11th June 2010

21:16 – Am in sleeping bag. Radio on. Heard nice song that went something like ‘everytime it rains’, but with more words and a tune.
Still light outside.
Hideously undep underpe underper bad at spelling.
Also, hideously under-prepared.
No lights, bitter, or even basic satellite television.
Tent is surprisingly spacious.

21:23 – Can hear voices, shall turn radio off to investigate. Alert level is turquoise.

21:24 – Realised voices were on radio. Alert level white.

21:27 – Spotted small noticeboard on WEST side of tent. Intend to examine.
UPDATE: Small noticeboard was in fact ‘fire retardancy label’. Label appears functioning as tent not on fire.

21:33 – Turned on cellular communications device, instantly received ‘creepy crawly’ warning. Examination shows sleeping quarters sealed, secure and without evidence of perimeter compromise. Verbal warning issued to crawling creeps as a precaution.

21:42 – Compass showing steady bearing, distance between tent and school is worryingly similar to last calculations. Inspection reveals tiny peg like anchors surrounding the Avon.
Shall consult operation instructions for solution.

21:50 – Manual reveals anchors to be deliberate, and lack of speed necessary for tent to function. A disappointing limitation. It may take some effort to modify evasive maneuvers in case of pirate contact.
For now, will modify plan to dive upon vessel sightings, and stay submerged until vessel confirmed friendly or threat no longer present.

22:04 – Routine practice of revised plan reveals yet another limitation. Light now fading fast.

Will have to implement one final revision of piracy evasion plan, codenamed ‘Sitting duck’ (full title to be ‘Cold duck sitting in almost complete darkness without food or water’)

22:12 – Without either light or spellchecker, little choice is left but to attempt sleep.

END.

After that involved lots of getting up to scare off youngsters.
Luckily the next night I was able to drink many cans of Carlsberg to ensure sleep.

I’m sure I took more pictures by the way.
I just failed to save them.

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