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Leasky and I attempted fraud, and then I killed him with a gas canister.

A couple of nights ago I had one of the most disturbing dreams I ever have had. Notice I say, one of. My subconscious is like a supercomputer that’s broken it’s programming. Think like that WOPR computer in the film ‘Wargames’, only it cheats at Tic-Tac-Toe.

It started off, with me, Leask and Rachael in my dining room. We’re wearing suits, going through a plan.
Leasky had had a property deal fall through because of this rich mafia style business man guy, who was a really big bulky guy in his late 40s and always wearing a suit.

So we’re all sitting at my dining room table thinking up a plan to get back at him, and I don’t exactly remember the specifics, but basically it involved pretending to be the owner of a hotel and getting him to spend £400,000 on a hotel he thinks he’s buying and renovating, when really we dont even own it.
We’re pretty confident of our plan, and arrange a meeting with him, and I’m posing as the current hotel owner, giving him all the convincing spiel and such, and Leasky and Rachael are posing as my assistants/accountants, and before too long he’s getting really rather keen on this business deal.. even offering us free use of his private plane at the weekend and such, and so we give him (fake) documents/deeds in return for a contract for £400,000 in bonds.

Evil Mafia Business Guy. Well, looks a bit like him.. only he was more tanned, and had black hair. Also, didn't have a cat. Could have if he'd wanted though.

Next thing is a few weeks later, we’re all in a busy and massive restaurant, it’s on the top floor of the hotel we had been selling, and there’s 20 of our friends at this big big table eating and drinking, and the plan is still ongoing. It’s a really big room with rich thick carpets, and 20 foot tall windows all around, most upmarket place imaginable.

One minute I’m at the head of the table with a mountain of roast chicken on my plate, the next thing is he has come up in the lift and his ‘goons’ come and get me insisting I come away from the table and speak to him across the room, so with really no choice I do.

First of all I try to be cool and friendly as if nothings wrong, though I know it is. He tells me to shut up and throws an old cheque towards me, one with my name on and a big red stamp saying “DECLINED”. Then proceeds to explain he found I’d had a cheque bounce months earlier in one of his restaurants, and it caused him to check me out further.

Whilst telling me all of this, he’s just getting angrier and angrier, he starts stamping around the room, picking up silver cutlery and throwing it at me, and im ducking and diving and everyone in this packed resturant is too scared to do anything but keep their heads down.
All I can do is dodge them, and then I pick up a chair and im blocking the knives with it but he just throws chairs and tables at me. Before tearing up the carpet with his bare hands. Just ripping massive pieces of carpet from the floor and throwing it around in piles.

Then he takes out a lighter, lights vodka bottles and throws them at the piles of carpet. Now everyone is screaming and running down the stairs, and I try and do the same, only theres a big bit of burning carpet blocking the stairway, and I have to hold it against the wall to let people through, and then I see the evil mafia business guy coming towards me and I”m thinking “Oh sh*t I’m dead now, he’s going to kill me here on the stairs!”

Looked like this. Only I dream in Technicolor. When he started throwing stuff he was by the windows, and I was on the other side of the room.

But he doesn’t, he just grins at me and walks down the stairs calmly away. By the time we’re all downstairs, there’s ambulances everywhere, and weirdly to get out of the building we have to navigate through a really tiny corridor, like a small train.
The three of us now re-grouped, we realise that everywhere we look there’s black cars waiting for us with goons with crossed arms standing beside them, the only way we can get out of the city is through the abandoned industrial estate/gas works… owned by Mr. Evil Mafia Git himself!

So we make our way (its still pretty light at this point, we must have been having an early dinner), through all these passages and past all this orange gas canisters and there’s these little gas canistors, like bright colours and volatile looking all around (like on Trials HD™) and we hear this evil harsh laugh, and then we know he’s here waiting for us. We’re running to get out of there, and he’s throwing these bright round canistors of gas at us, they seem to explode a few seconds after being thrown, and I’m catching them and throwing them to the left and back of me, and all sort of explosions are going off all around. It’s got quite a bit darker now, and then we realise Rachael has tripped up, and got caught up in one of the explosions, and we know she couldn’t have survived and we just have to keep going. All of this is quite distracting, and while im throwing a canister away from me I fail to realise Leasky is no longer behind me, and has gone a different route, and it’s too late for me to realise I’ve thrown it towards him!

He catches it, and sort of look at me as if to say “….Why?” and BOOM he’s dead. I think to myself “Aaaargh! That’s it, I’m on my own and I’m entirely a dead man”, but I keep on running, and the next canister I catch I throw back at Mr. Evil Mafia Git (I hadn’t before because he was standing around so much gas I knew the whole place would have gone up) and he stops laughing, looks angry and is blown apart from the explosion. He’s very dead.
I’ve still got to get out of this hellish scene though, and the only way I can go is to go down like an inspection shaft into the centre of the facility, all other paths are blocked. I get down there and the floors just molten metal, and there’s lead fumes hazing the air, and I just run as fast as I can jumping over lakes of molten metal
before FINALLY I get to a point where I find everything is undisturbed, and there’s a lift, and I can hear sirens and voices above, and I know I’m safe. I get in the lift, pull across the chain door, and pull the big yellow lift lever and that’s it.

The end.

I wake up feeling like Sarah Conner in Terminator 2.

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