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Have a break, have some chocolate covered wafer biscuits in the shape of miniature women

Last night I had probably the weirdest dream I’ve had this year. It starts of relatively normal, but gets more interesting by the end. Trust me.

At first I was in a car park, and there was a girl sitting in a parked Ferrari (convertible 355 in red, as a matter of fact) opposite me. On the bonnet there was a plate of biscuits in the shape of little women. Which was odd. Odder than that though, was that they were quite nice, layers of wafer covered in smooth milk chocolate. I had one, and then left, but felt compelled to return for another. The girl in the car was angry though, and whistled for her boyfriend to come down and get rid of me.

He was fairly big, and I did try to explain I wasn’t interested in his girlfriend, purely her tasty womanly shaped biscuits. He didn’t accept this however. Cornered me against a wall, and swung at me. I was able to block this and topple him over.
It was at this point I realised I really wasn’t going to be able to have another biscuit and I may as well leave.

Next thing I’m at home, but in a sort of alternate reality.
My younger sister and brother were there, smoking and swearing, and I was explaining to my Dad that I wasn’t in college today because I’d had a days suspension for something the day previously.

I then notice that there’s three guinea pigs in the conservatory, but none of them were my favourite guinea pig! Called Cinammon! At that point I broke down entirely, crying on my knees shouting “NOOOO! CINAMMON! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE!” and everything went black for a while.

After that, I was in college with my netbook. We were all doing I.T., and our task was to draw a map in Microsoft Word (which of course, is silly.) and I couldn’t be bothered to do it but was very aware that the teacher was a stroppy tart (that was my exact thought.) and that I’d only just got back from a days suspension. So I started to have a go at it after a while.
Unfortunately, it was at this point that the idiot next to me decided to smush his Jam sandwiches into my eyes (anyone that knows me well enough, should know that sandwiches are my kryptonite). Now I’m blinded by a doughy strawberry paste, all I can do is grab him and punch him repeatedly. Maybe not the best response, but darnit people shouldn’t get away with sandwich smushing.

Of course, the teacher comes over at this point. She sees that I’ve not done any work and that I’m now smeared with jam and punching someone, and decides to start shouting and pulling on my clothes. I instinctively push her back and her eyes sparkle with the fires of hell at me (well, not quite, but she looked really angry) and frog marches me to the headmasters office.

Which is actually a large wood panelled room, with chairs all around against the walls, and about 30 pupils smoking and whom are obviously there for similar reasons to me.
At first he’s really polite, and offers me a light lunch (which is covered in beetroot and thus unedible, but I had to pretend to like it).

After a short time however, he tells us all that he’d had enough of us and immediately a fight broke out.
It was chaos.
I always being charged at by people and dodging and throwing people around.
At one point someone that looked a little bit like the orange guy from Dragonball Z was pushing me Matrix style about a mile before I got out of his hold and he launched into a wall.
(Don’t ask me why all this was happening. I do not understand where all this comes from myself.)
Eventually though, it was just me and a friend of mine, and we walked up out of a trapdoor to the outside.

Which was a strange carnival.

Now the last thing to happen in this dream, was that I came acrross an old wooden cart, which had a neverending hole in, and was covered in cobwebs. It’s all a tad hazy, but my brother and I were talking to an evil spirit which had taken over the body of an insect.
He was really rather horrible. He told us he intended to kill us both and inherit our bodies as his new hosts, to complete his complex evil plans.

I do the only thing that I could think of. I throw him into the cobwebs.
Now he’s all upset! Saying “Oh that was really mean. I’ll never get out of here. I’m all tangled and stuck.”
Typically, he’s offered a chance to escape when a 12 inch high tin toy of a mouse dressed as a clown juggling walks by, and the evil spirit is able to possess it and walks towards us, laughing evily and juggling.

We’ve both had enough at this point.
So my brother picked him up, and dropped him into the never ending hole.

THE END.

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Filed under:Dreams

2 Responses to “Have a break, have some chocolate covered wafer biscuits in the shape of miniature women”

  • Leasky Says:

    i really would like to know what the hell causes you to think these things tim. That was, rather undeniably, one of the strangest things ive ever read

  • HOGG MAN Says:

    this was undeniably one of the best dreams ever, possibly shouldn’t have read it before i go to bed myself though!

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