Posted May 2nd, 2010 by Tim Timmington It’s Sunday today, and I feel very guilty.
Not because of a dark criminal past, but this time because of my lack of blogging recently. This is my first post in just over 16 days, and it’s not even going to be a very good one. I’m too tired.
I haven’t really even got anything interesting to report. I work, pub and sleep.
Oh, and spend far too much on ridiculous items I really have no need for. I ordered another Safari Suit on Friday morning, and last week bought myself two new snooker cues and cases (one of which happens to be beautiful and particularly woodyish).
I will take pictures of beautiful items, and pointless Tim Timmington merchandise (which I’ve had for aggges and not got round to really mentioning) on Tuesday, and create a post that not only lets people see how wastefully I spend money, but also teaches us all an important life lesson that I recently learnt the hard way*.
*(by the ‘hard way’, I actually mean I heard Grandpa say it on ‘Hey! Arnold’ and intend to copy it.)
Before I leave though…
100 Questions Answered by Tim
I was bored enough to do this on facebook yesterday, and thought I’d re-post it on here because I spent far too long filling it in to just let it drown on Facebook.
1. PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT?
Got one on my forehead.
Got hit in the face with a tennis racket at school.
Pretty amazing really.
I was playing rounders at the time.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Six suits hanging on a picture rail, and a John Smiths branded clock.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
A banana.
(It doesn’t really. I’ve looked and looked for a banana phone but I just can’t find one. Depressing thought that. It just looks like a phone.)
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
All I’m going to say is, people tend not to let me near jukeboxes for fear of attracting OAPs.
5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
It’s actually this – Salute to a Queen
I just like it.
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A pint of ribena, a hug, and four after eight mints.
7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?
Sure.
Marry whoever you want.
8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
Time ago a bit long it were.
9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
Yep.
Next question.
10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A beautiful song that I found on the internet a while ago.
I love it.
YOUTUBE LINK! IN CAPITALS. FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN I LIKE LINKS IN CAPITALS.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
No, I get scared of all the dangerous sharp pointy things I leave on the floor out of laziness and can’t see in the dark.
12. THE LAST PERSON/THING TO MAKE YOU CRY?
I can’t currently access that information.
It’s already been repressed. 
13. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE SAME SEX?
The most ugly kind, so that I look far better in comparison.
14. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
I think I’d best leave them alone. Southern Comfort works just as well, if not better.
15. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Lucozade.
Despite the fact it makes me feel like a claustrophobic heroine addict stuck in an elavator.
16. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?
I don’t even like pizza.
I don’t think it’s natural to have circles THAT big in food.
Plus, cheese is my kryptonite.
Which makes Lex Luthor a milkman probably.
Or a goat farmer.
Dairy farmer, that’s it.
17. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Not really hungry.
Eaten far too much already.
Though I wouldn’t say no to an all-you-can-eat chinese buffet at the Sakura.
Noodles are sublime.
18. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I don’t think I make people mad.
I think I’m a calming, eternal source of relaxation and good feeling.
I’m a bit like an executive desk toy I suppose.
Or a wall mounted musical novelty fish.
19. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
I speak guinea pig.
My good friend Cinnamon consults with me at length most mornings.
We’re actually planning preparations for our entrance into politics in four years time.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE YOU?
Colin (assistant manager at work) bought me a Mars bar yesterday. It was good.
21. DO YOU LIKE/GOT SOMEONE?
I don’t got anyone no.
I don’t even got proper grammar it seems.
22. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
I don’t need to be.
My joints are perfectly tuned anyway.
Quality not quantity my dears.
(For some reason I answered that in the style of Michael Winner. Sorry.)
23. FAVORITE FRIENDS?
I don’t have favourites, that would be favouritism, and as everyone knows.. all ‘isms’ are bad.
24. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM CAR?
One that drove itself, so I could still have a few ales.
A self driving McLaren.
A self driving McLaren with pez dispensers in the arm rests.
25. DO YOU BELIVE IN AFTER-LIFE?
Nope.
I’ve only just started to believe in during-life.
26. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
Few thoughts really:
Weddings are fun.
A wife would be handy.
Marry me now.
27. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I think I’ll have to answer a question with a question, I would say ‘Would you fall down a mine shaft knowing that the roof was about to cave in?”. You might, but then you probably didn’t choose to fall in the first place.
If you did, then you’re probably a few sandals sort of a shoe shop and anything that stops you reproducing is probably a good thing.
28. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Drunkenly, in an accidental text message meant for someone else.
29. Say a number from 1-100.
Twentingtons.
(Yes, that is from Numberwang. My favourite Numberwang.)
30. BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Blondes scare me.
Brunettes scare me too, but are easier to spot in crowds.
31. WHAT IS THE ONE PHONE NUMBER SHOWS UP ON YOUR PHONE THE MOST?
Two numbers I’d say, 0 and 7.
32. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Mmm, danone.
(As said on the advert. It’s like nails on a blackboard. Or knives on a particularly gratey plate.)
33. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.K.?
I went to Menorca many times.
France and Belgium once too.
Not really got any thoughts on this matter.
34. YOUR WEAKNESS?
My only real weakness is a small thermal exhaust port, connected directly to my main reactor. This exhaust port, only two meters wide (about the size of a womp rat), is protected in a trench running 50 kilometers across my surface, towards the upper pole. Turbolaser turrets protect most of my surface with a deadly hail of fire, but the far end of the trench is thinly defended. A ship maneuvering into the trench at this point might have a chance of surviving the run and bombing the exhaust port.
(In case anyone reads this, this is in fact the weak spot of the Death Star from Star Wars. A film I’m not actually a big fan of. Still, another question down isn’t it?)
35. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU GAVE?
Why only yesterday I gave Lewis (the work experience boy) a limited edition “TIM TIMMINGTON” art leaflet (one of only 25 in the world!). Generous much? Yes. Yes I am.
36. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
The one with the court case and the crazy levels of rhino based violence.
37. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yes.
It did not go well.
I accidently phoned a friends number, and told their mother I loved her.
38. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THIS?
Something else.
I started this so long ago I forget.
39. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I’d get re-skinned to have a Lego compatible surface.
40. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My Safari Suit.
Interestingly, it’s also that which I get criticised the most on.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Break the law. In a BIG way.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Safari suits and antiques.
Please e-mail me for information on where to purchase these items.
Alternatively, don’t.
45. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
A fictitious dog.
Timmy from the Famous Five.
Proud.
46. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
I would like to swing on a star.
And carry moon beams home in a jar.
I’d be better off than I are,
or would I rather be a mule?
(I’m just about singing a song. From the sixties. Can’t help myself. Move on.)
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
Chocolate fingers.
49. WHAT UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Purple boxers.
(I mean by that the underwear in question is a purple pair of boxer shorts, I don’t mean I stole underwear from a boxer who was unusually purple coloured.)
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It’s magnificent.
If I wrote laws, people would feel compelled to obey them purely out of respect for my handsomely formed lettering.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE?
Potato.
In chip or vodka form.
And only in chip or vodka form.
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Nun at all.
(That’s not even a proper joke, I haven’t got time to work out how to fit it in properly. Though I really do want to.)
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
The single “Love Today” by Mika.
I like it.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I’d hate me. I’d probably still be polite to me, but secretly I’d think.. well I don’t dare say what I’d think. It’s probably somewhat similar to what you really think of me, only with weaker sounding swear words.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Probably.
Sorry.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Of course they do. Don’t pretend they don’t.
Unless you’re registered blind, no ones going to believe you.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
I just build it up inside, in preparation for a ‘Falling Down’ style day of madness and violence.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
The Lattice House.
I admit it, I spend far too much time there.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
No.
Though I can think of almost four people I trust.
Two of which are actually guinea pigs.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
I liked my Action Man.
Though Micro Machines were pretty awesome too.
I used to have fun playing with anything though.
I still long for time alone with enough cardboard boxes to make a fort.
61. ARE YOU AFRAID OF GROWING UP?
I have nothing to fear except those fears on my long list of fears which may or may not include growing up. Photobooths and creatures that scurry maliciously are on there though.
62. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Far too much.
It may be the lowest form of wit, but then I’m one of the lowest forms full stop.
63. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
Nah.
I don’t need religion.
I have blind contentment and arrogant confidence.
64. DOES 11:11 MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
It’s the number one written four times with a colon in between.
66. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?
They’re alright, except mother is the loudest person in the universe.
67. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
I don’t know. I have a fantastic ability to block things like that out.
68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I have to.. they’re walking boots.
I’m lazy enough that I’d kick off the entire foot though if it were possible.
69. LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
The blood of a calf.
Though only ritually.
70. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
Guinea pigs
Cinnamon (full name is actually ‘Mr Cinnamon X’) and Whitey.
They’re actually my siblings pets, but I know they’d prefer me if they had the choice.
I made one of their hutches.
It has pretty brass butterfly hinges and vented fibreboard walls.
71. WHAT IS THE LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
A guinea pig,.
This is turning into a guinea pig questionnaire.
72. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?
I don’t know.
They’re all pretty brilliant.
They even make each other look better.
73. WHAT’S THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
I can’t remember it’s title actually.
It was about physics, and I have the urge to re-read it now.
I’m not sure I fully understood it, but when I finished it I actually had the feeling that I might be some sort of wizard.
I am reading “Teach yourself English grammar” in the pub when I’m there though.
Still getting to grips with ‘who’ and ‘whom’.
Fascinating.
74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
I don’t really know.
More than one, less than a googolplex.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I don’t want anyone to.
It’s a waste of time and pixels.
I’m only doing it because I’m too tired to go to the pub and I’ve ran out of tv to watch.
76. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM VACATION?
A nuclear submarine holiday.
I’d be captain, and there’d be pirate hunting trips.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE/DRANK?
Sausages and chips.
I’m a very boring man.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
I believe it was mother, I required her transportation help.
79. WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ON THE SAME SEX?
Whether they look like a ruffian I may have to duel or not.
80. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Nah.
I believe in lust at first sight that can lead to love though.
I do seem to be invisible however.
81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?
Modern life.
It’s a tad faulty.
82. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Ribena.
I’d die without it.
Probably literally.
83. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN?
It’s all pish tosh.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Formula One or Billiards in general.
I have a beautiful new snooker cue, in a beautiful new case.
I just need a plaque with my name on now to attach to it.
85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Brown.
It’s an adequate colour. I can’t complain.
86. EYE COLOUR?
Brown.
I like my eyes.
I’m sure I’ve been told they’re slightly nicer than not nice, so they must be alrightish.
87. TALL OR SHORT?
They’re sort of eye sized.
88. SIBLINGS?
I have a younger brother, and a sister, and an older brother.
They have varying ages.
I don’t think we need to go into anymore detail.
89. FAVOURITE MONTH?
This month.
Next months.
All of them.
I like months at the moment.
Though take away the N and you get MOTHS, and 12 moths in a year would drive me crazy.
Irregular flight patterns scare me.
90 DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I’m never trying it. It’s unnatural. It scares me that people aren’t burned as witches for eating it.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Hey! Arnold!
Rhonda had a “cool kid” party and invited Arnold but none of his friends, so Arnold held a party for everyone, and eventually helped Rhonda learn a valuable lesson.
I learn alot from Hey Arnold myself.
92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
They’re all pretty good.
Days are even better than months, as there’s more of them, and they’re nothing like moths.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
I’m too something.
Too mentally unstable?
Toucan?
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
I like to have both in a year.
They help even it out.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
I don’t do one night stands.
Actually I barely do standing at all.
97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS
No one will.
No one should.
This is a complete waste of time.
I’m wasting my life away.
If I died now, this would seem even more depressing than a suicide note.
98. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Cinnamon.
For reasons of guinea pig anatomic limitations.
99. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Not that I know of.
Though I’d hope SOMEONE is.
Statistically I think SOMEONE should be.
Knowing my luck it’s probably a seventy year old male bus driver called Logan.
Larry Logan.
Nice name though. Alliteration is beauty.
100. BIGGEST FEAR(S)
- Photobooths
- Small creatures that can outmaneuver me in a scurrying manner
- Loneliness
- Large fish
- Cheese
- I forgot what else.
Tags: money, questions, safari suit, snooker cue, tired
Posted April 15th, 2010 by Tim Timmington Good morning.
I’ve been sorting through all my old documents! EXCITING IT BE FOR ME!
Mainly because I’ve got about six years of mind effluent (in the form of essays, ramblings, pictures, scribblings and other assorted forms) to sort through. So I thought I’d put some up on here as I get through it.
First though, some pictures from late.
I will not take the blame for this one. My sister had a McDonalds, she found a chip that looked like a Stingray. I asked if there was a 'Steve Irwin' one in there too, and she made one. Disgraceful isn't it?*
I bought myself a safari suit finally In real life it's not as blurry. I'm blaming that on my sister too. She took the picture. Though she did buy me the hat as well.
If you don’t like my safari suit.. then.. you’re one of many. Ninety six per cent of people hate it. Still, I love it. I’ll buy more when pay day arrives. Tempted by a red one, if only I could justify the £150 price tag.
Going back to my old documents, I will probably sort them all into an an archive page. Though I have already uploaded my old picture gallery:
CLICK HERE TO SEE MY ALREADY UPLOADED OLD PICTURE GALLERY!
…and my uncompleted “BANANA MAN” film script…
CLICK HERE TO READY MY UNCOMPLETED “BANANA MAN” FILM SCRIPT!
…and an essay entitled “To what extent was security the primary concern of Henry VIIs foriegn policy?”…..
DON’T CLICK HERE TO READ MY ATTEMPT AT REASONING AS TO WHAT EXTENT SECURITY COULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED HENRY VIIS PRIMARY FORIEGN POLICY CONCERN!
Really, don’t bother reading that. It is literally just a history essay from when I was 16. I put it up mainly to get the traffic from other 16 year olds trying to cheat at coursework. Not that it’s worth copying, the file history tells me I did it at 1am after a Thursday that probably involved alot of drinking. Got to love Friday deadlines. Also, I’m really enjoying making very long sentences links today, so why not?
That’s it from me, there’s alot more to share with the world, but I think I should leave it for another a day…
*I would like to make it very clear that I really was rather fond of Steve Irwin, and also stingrays. I’m sure they’d both see the funny side.
Well, Steve would. I imagine the stingray would probably be feeling rather guilty, and would efinitely not appreciate the reminder of it’s dark criminal past. Still, I do think it’s time to consider forgiveness. If only for the children’s sake**.
**I don’t know whose children I mean there. Probably the stingrays. Little Raymond and baby girl Raya. Both named after the singer Ray Charles, of whom Daddy stingray has always been a tremendous fan. Unfortunately, the origin of names matters not in the playgrounds of stingrays, and both are bullied almost constantly. Everytime someone says “Sting ray”, the others reply “Alright we will!” and attack. Angried that their Dad killed a beloved TV celebrity, it is most unfortunate that the victims have such obvious room for bullying within their names (Stingrays in general are actually huge Steve Irwin fans, as he was one of the few Australian celebrities to visit them. Though most admit they always would have preferred Kylie Minogue. Not Dannii though. Her presence would have been considered purely insulting, and possibly even an act of war)***.
*** I do realise that I’ve added footnotes to footnotes. I wouldn’t normally, but considering the circumstances I feel it would be wrong not to explain these important notes of intrique. Sorry.
Tags: essay, gallery, henry vii, history, pictures, safari suit, steve irwin, stingrays
Posted April 7th, 2010 by Tim Timmington I just watched the Easter special “The Judas Tree”, disappointing to be honest 
Creek & blonde assistant - whose name I forgot and can't be bothered to Google for.
It’s so far fetched, and awkward!
WARNING: Spoilers below!
Why didn’t the sink full of bloodied water give the police concern? Seeing as the girl wouldn’t have had an opportunity to get blood on her hands, as the victim only started bleeding when she hit the railings.
Why didn’t it ring alarm bells that the writer hired someone by walking into a cafe (or shop or whatever it was) and offering them a job?
Why go to any of the bother that they did? Also, wouldn’t Jonathan’s theory about a prop house and a dead nightwatchmen be fairly easily confirmable? The late 80′s are fairly well documented (understatement really!). Oh, and a prop house falling over in high winds is not a product of logical deduction, it’s a wild stab in the dark.
What would have made slightly more sense to me, would have been if the nightwatchmen had been the writers father say, or older brother.. and he blamed the girls for leaving him to day.. it’d take a bit of tweaking but you could then link it all together without introducing new characters and dodgy flashbacks.
The light bulb that’s doctored, and the special whistle.. well there are much easier ways to make a light bulb explode.
I also don’t like the idea of Jonathan letting a murderer go free. I think even Sherlock Holmes would struggle with this one, and he let criminals go free on a number of occasions.
I’ve rambled far too much on this, but I’m not at work today and have nothing better to do. *sigh*
Tags: bbc, easter special, jonathan creek, review, the judas tree
Posted March 28th, 2010 by Tim Timmington Tim says Hello.
My left hand. I have another one that's very similar, it's sort of right-er. I consider neither to be particularly lucky.
I am tired. I don’t ramble on here much anymore, I’m always either tired, at work, or in the pub.
Right now, I’m sitting in bed feeling almost sorry for myself. Not actually sorry for myself though, more dazed and confused. I think my mind needs a holiday. That is, a peaceful, relaxing, happy to be doing nothing sort of holiday, as oppose to the “oh-my-god-lets-poke-that-tiger-and-see-if-it-wakes-up, oh-yes-it-did, I-hope-insect-repellent-works-on-large-members-of-the-cat-family” sort of holiday that I normally have.
I don't normally take pictures of poorly made advertising literature, but I admire the enthusiasm of this sign advertising low quality binoculars to people stopping in some motorway services on the M5. Brilliant for those unprepared motorway bird watchers. I think I saw Bill Oddie buy two.
Why am I tired?
I’m going to blame work and family life for the tiredness, Millets really need to invest in a building with a lift, and I really need to soundproof my room so I don’t hear everything that goes on in the house 24/7. It’s the little things that wake you up, like pots and pans jangiddling late at night, or the mad woman claiming to be your mother insisting on swearing to herself in the kitchen constantly. Around every 15 minutes she’ll either swear about you, or offer to cook you something (which happens to be behaviour I’ve only ever observed before in woman planning on poisoning their partners).
And, why do I have to ask myself questions in blogs?
Probably because I feel less like I’m complaining about something if I’m mentioning it as part of answering a question. Though I am talking to myself, so it probably doesn’t count.
Also, why did I just start a sentence with ‘And’, when that is something that really grates my cheddar normally?
I have no excuse, and I will probably regret it for days. By days I mean exactly seventeen seconds, afterwich I will get distracted and consider the possibility of buying a giraffe and using it to ride to town on. I’m not even sure it’s illegal to ride a giraffe home drunk, though I’d bet it’s at least frowned upon. I’d put flying goggles on my giraffe. I think flying goggles suit giraffes. Heh, imagine a giraffe in a bi-plane, trying to fly under power lines, but being too tall, getting stuck on it, and looping round and round comically. It wouldn’t even be seriously injured aslong as it didn’t touch ground. Probably an idea best left to cartoons though. I’d imagine you’d need some sort of insurance to pilot a bi-plane, and it would be prohibitively expensive for almost all animals, let alone one with hooves.
Finally, why did I just use the phrase ‘grates my cheddar’ when I find cheese so disgusting it’s pretty much my kryptonite?
That would be because I can’t remember the actual expression. Isn’t it something like ‘grinds my onions’? Or, ‘grates my turkeys’? Is there actually an expression along these lines, or am I making expressions up again? These questions really aren’t rhetorical, I need to know. For closure and such.
I don’t really remember what I was going to write about now. I’m sure it was something deep and meaningful, along the lines of “there is no god, but I’ve found the meaning of life, everyone listen and rejoice!”.
Memory is a bit flaffed though, so will have to make do with the fact that I’m marginally saddened by the fact that I’m useless tonight. I just played a few hour of poker, and lost every tournament. Then an hour of solitaire, and lost every game.
So, three possibilities present themselves to me:
1, I suck. I should give up and stick to playing with duplo.
2, I’m tired and it’s dulling my brain power to that of a Chinese made counterfeit sports watch that struggles with the idea that hours don’t last 100 minutes.
3, I have been unlucky all evening (Not that I believe there’s anything mystical about ‘luck’. If you roll two dice and get “12″ it’s because of physics, not because you used your lucky set of hands*).
I’m going to go for a mixture of 2 and 3, as good as I am with duplo, I’m normally just as talented with other leisure activities**. I’m confident that tomorrow I will try again, succeed at my very first attempts and surf that wave of confidence all the way along the coast, until the sobering hours of morning, when I will realise I’ve lost my deposit for the rented surfboard, but no longer care, as I wouldn’t have been able to remember where I rented it anyway.
This has actually been quite therapeutic, I sort of feel less disorientated and a little bit like I’m not entirely insane. Thank you, sorry, and I promise one day the pictures may verge on relevance. I fear text never will though.
Goodnight.
*I know few people actually have lucky sets of hands, in fact the few people I can think of with spare hands are either victims of industrial mining accidents (who probably consider themselves to be rather unlucky anyway), or are going to fancy dress parties dressed as clocks, but I couldn’t think of anything else people might carry around with them to bring themselves good luck. Though on reflection a lucky hat would have made more sense. In fact, almost anything would have made more sense.
**Upon re-reading this, it came very close to sounding dirty to me. Though I am paranoid that I’ll somehow come across as some sort of perverted sex maniac who only blogs to help establish alibis for his indecent exposure crimes in Lynn park.
P.S. I’ve realised that some of you may not recognise “jangiddling” and “flaffed” as actual words. Some of you are correct. Though the way I see it is that if some bright spark thought that “noogie” should feature in the Oxford Dictionary, I don’t see why I can’t get away with a bit of flaff’ing and jangiddling.
Tags: awesome, grates my cheddar, hands, kryptonite, luck, milléts, pictures, pointless, tired, useless
Posted March 13th, 2010 by Tim Timmington It’s FORMULA ONE TIME
I love Formula One, not sure why. I just find it amazing that you can have over 15 cars, with over 80,000 parts each, and end up with them doing a 5 mile lap within a couple of seconds of each other.
They manage that, and I can’t turn up to a party within half an hour of any of the other guests.
Bahrain qualifying starts in just a few minutes, and I shall make some wildly innacurate and poorly deducted predictions on the season ahead.
This season is going to be all about team mates, Michael Shumacher and Nico Rosberg at Mercedes, Jensen Button and Lewis Hamilton at McLaren, and Fernando Alonso and Felipe Massa at Ferrari.
The first driver from any of those to dominate his team mate, will have the best chance of winning the title. I haven’t listed Red Bull’s drivers there, because I don’t believe they’ll have quite the pace early on to be right there at the top. If they have, then I think Sebastian Vettel will outclass Mark Webber and the other teams may find that they’ll be fighting for the constructors trophy only.
Still, for Bahrain.. I think Alonso for pole. Race win as well.
(I hope to god I’m wrong)
Hamilton will beat Button in qualifying, but they’ll be more evenly matched in the race.
McLaren will win the constructors trophy in a fight with Ferrari.
I don’t know about the championship. I’d love it to be Lewis Hamilton, but I think it all depends how much of a fight Massa puts to Alonso.. if Massa is up to it then Alonso won’t be able to start a runaway lead. Saying that, I don’t think Massa is up to it. Maybe at first, but once Alonso is settled in there will be no touching him.
Best of the new teams? I can only say.. Who cares?
(Rough post I know, but it’s actually started now so I have to go.. I can always change it later to make it look like my predictions were spot on.)
EDIT: Less than five minutes in, and I want the BBC to sack Jonathon Legard. He annoys me *SO VERY MUCH*. He says everyone is ‘ON A CHARGE’. All the time. ARGH.
Oh and Chandok, is doing really rather well considering he hasn’t had any practice. Ku’dos to him.
Though he does remind me a bit of an Indian Mr. Bean:
He just looks like Rowan Atkinson to me. In a nice way.
EDIT 2: First qualifying session over. Best performance for me was Chandhok, yes he was last, but for the amount of laps he did, he was fast. Worst performance was Heikki Kovaleinen and Lotus, may as well have been last for the experience he has.
EDIT 3: Well I was wrong. Red Bull have pace, Vettel is on pole. Hamilton managed a good 4th, but McLaren look like they need something new to get them in a race winning position. Though, we don’t know tyre wear or reliability yet. No less excited for the race tomorrow. Oh, and yes Michael Schumacher was dissapointing, but expectations couldn’t have been higher, so that’s not his fault. Just needs some time to get comfortable again.
Tags: F1, Formula One
Posted March 3rd, 2010 by Tim Timmington Yesterday, I took ownership of a Mars Bar.
Last night, I dreamt I had two Mars Bars.
This morning I have no Mars Bars.
I did not eat the Mars Bar.
Where is the Mars Bar?
Why, at the moment in time, does nothing else in the world appear sadder than losing a Mars Bar?
Tags: mars bar, mars bars
Posted March 2nd, 2010 by Tim Timmington I apologise for my lack of posting, but as my grandmother once said (via MSN of course) “If you ain’t got nuffin good to post, post nutting at’ll”.
I.e., I’ve been at work for a month without any money, and I didn’t think anyone would want to read that I was sulking because I couldn’t afford a pint.
Anyway, two things tonight:
1, In King’s Lynn town centre, I was walking slightly behind a group of slightly loud youths, and in the distance I could see more youths appear to be fighting.. and young girlish wails.. one of the youths said to another: “If that’s a group of guys attacking that girl I’m going to go mental, bugger another assualt charge, it’s worth it”.
I then felt better about the world. Police should have that mentality.
(I should point out, at the same time, I was also planning some form of Ninja action, I just realised it was merely kids fooling about quicker)
2, I required the use of certain facilities as I got off the bus tonight, and so I popped into the local pub, and went to buy a pint (I always feel it’s wrong to use an establishments facilities without purchasing a beverage as remuneration.) and the bar man said “Do you have any I.D. please mate?”
I look young!
I DON’T LOOK LIKE AN OLD MAN
Result.
If it had been an attracive young lady then I would be doubly pleased.
Still, I had forgotten my wallet, so I didn’t get to sample a delicious pint of London’s Pride. Shame.
I’m exhausted and achey, so good night all x
Tags: london's pride, poor, tired
Posted February 5th, 2010 by Tim Timmington Why is it that this game got almost exclusively 9/10 reviews?
Why is there no criticism anywhere?
I’m not saying it’s not a good game, I’m just saying why isn’t it better?
Is no one else bored of the scripted, linear campaign modes in every Call Of Duty game since the series started just over SIX YEARS AGO?
I don’t think that games should have to be like movies, the same everytime you put the disc in, why can’t you have different paths to the same objective, or different objectives for the same goal?
In fact, I think they missed a golden opportunity in the storyline for MW2.. there is a mission where you are undercover with a terrorist group and have to take part in a massacre of civilians. You have to go along with this (or skip the mission entirely, but that doesn’t affect the story in any way). Why not have a fork here? So you could go along with it and deal with the horrible emotional trauma, or kill the terrorists and prevent the massacre, but risking the overall mission. As it is, it pretty much just provides a bonus mission for the sick, twisted, and sadistic. (If you haven’t played the mission, to see what I mean, watch this video)
Even just a choice of different missions would be an improvement, so if you get stuck on one, you can do another first and come back to it.
Or more features, like being able to select what weapons you want to start a mission with.
Special Ops is a step in the right direction. The thing that struck me though, was why give me a few guns on a tarp at the beginning? Why not just let me pick from ANY of the weapons in some sort of selection screen? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it before in games. I’m pretty sure I can do it in Rainbow Six: Vegas. In fact, you can do it in the multiplayer side of COD.
I actually spent six hours playing through the special ops yesterday on veteran, and it was fun.
Much much more fun than playing the campaign on veteran.
It occured to me, that the campaign on veteran often boils down to doing the same thing repeatedly, in pretty much the same way, and trying to remember where the guy who killed you last time was (He’ll probably be in the same place, doing the same thing. It’s easier to program like that.).
Whereas, in special ops, because we didn’t have to do the same thing each time, and many of the maps are more open, we were using strategy and team work to beat the missions! Which was fun and not frustrating and repetitive.
Bigger maps, with choices of objectives (or at least, a choice of order of objectives) and a team mate who actually helps makes it infinitely more fun.
You don’t need a human team mate even, just look at Conflict Desert Storm, or the Rainbow Six series.
Mix those games with Call Of Duty and you have a winner.
(Oh, and improve the way people act when they’re shot as well. Make it more like you’ve just killed a man, and less like you’ve just flame thrower’ed a patch of nettles. Shouts of pain, better blood effects, icky injuries, all of these should be there. I noticed it somewhat in the level killing civilians, but it should be throughout. I worry that it’s bad for peoples minds to let them forget that they’re playing a simlation of killing other humans.)
Tags: COD, Modern Warfare 2, Rant, video game
Posted January 31st, 2010 by Tim Timmington Construct a model of the famous Iron Bridge (as in the picture below)
The first cast iron bridge. It's a bridge, and it's made of iron. Hence, Iron Bridge. Wonderous.
That, more or less, was my 13 year old sister’s history homework. So in the spirit of making bridges out of the latest and greatest of modern materials, her and her friend cast aside all forms of sense, and any appreciation of physics, and chose chocolate fingers as their building medium.
I took issue with this approach, and decided to see if I couldn’t do better using the traditional approach of cardboard, sticky tape, stainless steel wire, and pretend science. This is how it went.
Like a bull in a china shop, Emma rushes into an early, yet costly, lead
Meanwhile, I'm being so intelligent, I'm thinking in squares.
As well as chocolate, Emma's bridge is made of cardboard, and wishful thinking.
An insight into the mind of a genius. I also sometimes think about goldfish.
Ignorance is bliss.
The finished scale model, fully labelled and minutely detailed. A success for Timmington.
It's not about winning, it's about taking part. And hilarious failure.
I think I won that one.
Posted January 25th, 2010 by Tim Timmington I was too tired to go to the pub today.
Which is a shame.
And quite pathetic, because my only reason for being exhausted is that I had my first day of work yesterday. Which being a Sunday, wasn’t even a full day.
I’m beginning to suspect I’m not as fit as I once could claim to be.
In any case, I’m there tomorrow at 8, which is the earliest I’ve ever gone to work. A new record for Tim. Amazing.
In other news, I’d kill for people to talk to on MSN because I’m the most bored I’ve been since…literally the last time I said I was bored in a blog.
Which was probably the last time I wrote a blog.
I don’t actually like the word blog.
It sounds like bog.
I’d rather say “last time I wrote an entry”, but everytime I used the word I would fear I might become prone to accidental innuendo or other word based peril.
Nerd news: Just realised I could plug my external hard drive into my xbox and watch the vast amounts of British comedy programmes on there. With surround sound where available. Not quite a substitute for a rewarding hobby or a loving relationship, but it keeps my eyes busy whilst I’m awake.
Right, I’m going to go and keep reminding myself I’ve got to go to work tomorrow, go to the job centre, then rush back to get my brother to take him for an appointment in town.
I foresee a boring yet stressful Tuesday.
P.S. Just realised, haven’t actually mentioned on here that I got a job before did I? I started Sunday. At Milléts. The high street camping and outdoors shop.
P.P.S. In case you’re wondering about the accented é, it’s because I think they should rebrand themselves as being French and upmarket.
Tags: bored, boring, kill kill kill me now because im bored, milléts, pub
